Roid Rage

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you just want to scream until your lungs collapse and the littlest sound of anyone's voice makes you want to snap and yet, at the same time, you want to hide in a closet, fall on the floor and cry until you empty yourself out? That was me today. In fact, I am presently sitting in a closet typing this out because I have no other way to let out all of my wild, uncontrollable emotions. I feel angry, spastic, temperamental and frustrated. I feel anxious, sad, lonely and wrung-out. I feel claustrophobic yet alone. I feel crazy!

I must confess now that the major, though not entire, cause of this emotional and mental kerflugenflagam (yeah I just typed out letters there) is that I am on a series of steroids right now, Prednisone, to be exact. I am on a 6-week cycle of the drug to help get my Crohn's Disease back in check. I have got one week down, five to go, and the drug works wonders I tell you. I love going on them because they work so fast in calming things down but for every magic spell, there are consequences... The minor ones being, I am hungry more and gaining weight FAST. The major one being THE RAGE! I feel like the Hulk, the littlest thing sets me off, I have no patience and I feel like I could go days without sleeping even though my body is crying for me to. I hate this feeling. I hate being snappy and irritable and upset. I hate having no outlet for it. I hate having no peace and quiet, no freedom, no alone time to just calm myself. No "serenity now" for me. I am trying to get used to a new living situation. I am trying to get my children to settle nicely without continuously asking to go home. I am trying to make myself feel at home and comfortable. But it doesn't help that I have to do all of this by myself and while feeling like this. All I want to do is lock myself in this closet and hide here until it all goes away.

But I can't.

So.... what do I do?

I yell and scream in my head. I cry in my heart. And I fall to my knees and pray to God that He will be my strength and that He will lead me to calm waters. I need the Lord's calm waters. I need His grace and mercy every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I need my Rock to keep me steady during this tumultuous time. (I'm not even kidding, it is tumultuous. If you've ever been on 'roids of any kind, you know how it can mess you up and if you haven't, then I'm sure you've heard stories. - Sorry for the rant there.)

...I also need my kids to calm the heck down so I can sit down for more than two minutes at a time. But that's another challenge for another time.

Anyway, thanks for listening! xoxo