Monkey See, Monkey Do

Children look up to their parents. That's a given. We are the primary examples in their lives. What they learn is from what we allow them to learn. We control what their eyes and their minds take in.

Today, I was in the kitchen giving our cat some food and Inaya walked right up to him and shaking her hand said, "no, no, no, no". Why? Because we always tell Miming (the cat), "No, don't go there or no, don't do that".

Later on, Ahmad was shutting the balcony door and he banged on the glass to get rid of some mosquitos or something that were stuck on it. Then Inaya instantly walked up to the glass door and started banging on it too.

I have a heart pillow in the shape of a heart that I received from the hospital after my surgery. I am supposed to carry that pillow around with me everywhere and hold it against my heart as a protective barrier and as a support when I cough or laugh or put any pressure on my chest/lungs/heart.

Whenever the girls get their hands on my heart pillow, they hold it against their heart and hug it tightly just as I do.

Our children take in everything that we say and do. Whether we like it or not, we mold them.

Tonight in our devotion, Ahmad and I read Jeremiah 32: 17-22 which was very fitting and ironic after a day full of copycatting because in verse 18, it reminds us of our great responsibility to children, and not just our own. It says, "You show love to thousands but bring the punishment for the fathers' sins into the laps of their children after them." I know there are far more fitting verses in the Bible for what I am getting at but this one still gets the point across.

We have a HUGE responsibility given to us as parents, caregivers, aunts/uncles, older relatives and even friends towards the young children in our lives. But especially as parents. We have to be ever so careful with what we say, do and even think around our children because they are watching us and they are learning. They don't know the difference between right and wrong, good or bad. We teach them that. Who they become when they grow up starts with how we raise them at a young age. We can teach them to share or be selfish. We can teach them to be obedient or rebellious. We can teach them to swear and disrespect people or we can teach them to be kind and loving. We can show them how to control their temper and anger or show them how to lash out and throw a fit. We can spoil them and teach them to be careless with money or we can show them the important things in life and also the value of a dollar. You can teach them to be proud and boastful or full of humility. And the list goes on...I'm sure you get the picture.

So we must remind ourselves always that the years between 0-5 are when they will develop their personalities and habits. So we must encourage them positively and direct them in the right path. We may not feel that they are ready just yet but you would be surprised and how intently they are watching you. And if you have a problem with anger or vanity or have a bad mouth, you can easily pass those traits on to your children. I hear everywhere that children these days are so bad and undisciplined or "dumb" but they are the responsibilities of their parents. Yes, as they grow older, they make their own decisions and yes, everyone makes bad ones but I firmly believe that if you ingrain good values into your children from day one, those values will carry on with them as they grow. And what they learn as young children will aid them in the paths and decisions that they make as they journey through life.

So let us take the time and make a conscious effort to be good inspirations to our children. Let us take this wonderful responsibility that God has given us to raise the best humans that we can.

And plus, if we watch what we say and do for their sake, we're also inadvertently making ourselves better people too! =)

Be a blessing to someone today!

Gamers

I'm sitting here on the sofa playing games on my laptop beside my sister who is also playing a game on her own laptop. And my husband is on the floor trying to get cheats for his game on his iPad.

This is our Saturday night...

And how you doin?

Mama's Memorial, August 23rd 2011.

A few people have asked me to send them a copy of my speech from my Mama's memorial so I thought that I would just post it and share it with everyone. So here it is...

Have you ever been on one of those rides that just spin you around and around and upside down? At first it goes slowly enough that you can wave at your family & friends who are watching and waiting for you. Then it starts to go faster and faster until all of the people & objects that surround you eventually melt into one big blur. You are moving so fast and everything is out of your control. For some, you may feel your organs moving around and it may feel like your brain is going to pop out of your eyes. And all you can do is hold on and pray that the machine won't break and you'll get out in one piece.

Meanwhile, on the outside, everyone is carrying on with their lives, time is passing away no faster than when you first entered the park and all objects are still in their places doing what they do.

This past year has been so full of life-altering events compounding and making the air around me thicker and heavier that it is so hard for me to even just breathe. And like that ride goer, I feel as if my world is spinning and changing so fast that I'm being carried into another place outside of all that I know and all that is comfortable. And I just can't catch my breath.

In one year alone, along with having to deal with Mama's death, I've had to grow out of being a single-minded "selfish" adult and into a mother of two children, a "trying hard to be a Godly wife" to my husband and primary home-maker: cooking, cleaning, paying bills and all. I've also had to relearn how to balance a busy home life with a work life. And on top of it all, I've had to do it while coping with a deteriorating heart and often debilitating auto-immune disease.

I must acknowledge that the Lord has blessed me with so many people who love and care for my family & who help out in more ways than they know. Even people who have no reason to love me, people I don't even know, send prayers and love my way and that is more than I could ever ask for. My life is full  with love thanks to the Lord.

But I also must admit that more than not, I'll retreat and hid away from the world wishing that my mom was here. After the kids have gone to bed and all is quiet, I'll lie in bed and cry until my heart hurts so bad that I fall asleep. I know that the reasons for me wishing she was here are selfish ones: I wish she was here to guide me in raising my children, to answer questions that I can't figure out, to tell me when I am doing something right or wrong or to comfort me when I feel lost or overwhelmed. To see my kids grow up with their grandma and know her as more than just the lady in the pictures. To lay beside me when I'm sick and hear her voice sing, talk or pray over me. To be there with me as I go through my heart surgery and to take care of me after.

I just wish to have my mom again, doing things that only moms can do.

But I know I can't and it hurts. It hurts every day because I can't.

It's been easy to sink into a pit of depression and self-pity, having to deal with the greatest loss I've ever experienced at such a pinnacle moment in my life. But even in her passing, Mama has continued to be my strength, guide and inspiration. Among the innumerable memories, she has left many books with her thoughts, favorite Bible verses & quotes. And I can always lean on these words and trust in them just as she did, even through her darkest days. As her disease ate away at her human body, God was changing her on the inside and through her illness, he made her perfect and free. And sometimes, when I am still and listening to His quiet voice, my world will stop spinning and I can feel that same peace. That peace that passes all understanding.

(then I read some excerpts from one of her diaries - reads from left to right)

second life

So I went in for a pretty standard valve replacement surgery with possible repairs to my aorta, due to some thinning along the
wall. When I came out of surgery, I found that they had replaced my aortic valve as planned but upon investigation of my aorta, the surgeon had found scar tissue. Now that was not standard. What that means is that the reason why my aorta looked dilated or thinned out is because at some point in the last few months, my aortic vessel had ruptured and then healed itself. What that essentially means is that at some point in the last few months, I was alive when I could have been dead.

All of my life I have felt useless and purposeless. Church and Bible Studies always taught us that God had a plan for us. We were here for a reason. I never found that reason or even got close to it. I have no special talents or gifts, I'm not beautiful or wealthy or intelligent. I'm not business savvy nor am I a people person. I have nothing special to put on the table. If anyone ever said otherwise, I would say, "it's a facade, a lie, you were lucky to catch a glimpse of an error in my otherwise unremarkable life." I'm not saying my life is terrible, not by any means. It's just plain.

But when God spares your life without you even knowing it and then He strengthens it and makes it stronger than ever, you would be a blimey fool to deny that you have a divine purpose. Obviously, my time is not up. Obviously, I haven't reached the goal He has set out for me yet. Obviously, He is in control and I am not!

When my rupture healed on it's own, He gave me a second chance and said, "I'm not done with you yet". When He replaced the broken parts of my heart and sealed me back up again, He stamped me and branded me and claimed my second life. My surgeon and his team are Amazing and I am ever grateful to them but this scar on my chest is my proclamation to the world that if God cared enough to give such an unworthy creature as myself a second chance at life, He can do the same for anyone. Broken, ashamed, riddled with sin. He loves you all! Even if you don't believe it, He still loves you and you can't stop Him! So you should just accept it....

I still don't know what "my purpose" is but I know now, without a doubt, that there is one. I wasn't created by mistake or for fun. God knew me before I was born and has my life set out before me. And I will spend this second life living the best that I can, walking in His presence, so that His purpose can come into fruition.

I'm not afraid

I know I said goodbye but I just wanted to share this:

I'm not afraid.

they're going to cut me open and stop my heart and do all kinds of wacky things to me in less than 2 hours. And I am not afraid.

I have a peace in me that will carry me through this. I am comforted.

Be strong & courageous.

Trust in the Lord.

I will not leave you nor will I forsake you.

He has given me a peace that passes all understanding. Even my understanding.

Thank you, Lord!

good morning glory

It's 5:16 am and we're picking up my mother-in-law before heading towards the hospital. I'm probably going to be a little late. Late night, late start.

I apologize if what I write doesn't make much sense. I was up late last night talking to a few loved ones who wanted to wish me well and give words of encouragement. A particularly nice call was one from my brother and his wife, whom I miss very much, in the Philippines. They are there doing missionary work and I am so proud of them but I can't help but wish they were here instead. At least for right now.

When my hubby and I were finally ready for bed, it was almost midnight. But I had a good sleep, for about 2 hours. I woke up once because I heard one of my daughters cry but I didn't get up. Then about an hour later, we both woke up to the terrible screaming of a little girl. One of them had awaken very obviously disturbed. Ahmad, my husband, got up to check her and she cried and cried and cried. he gave her a bottle and changed her bum and still she cried. she cried until she puked, this is a very common thing with her mind you. Anyhow, so he got her cleaned up and then put her in our bed. Once she was there, she crawled next to me and closed her eyes. She rubbed my arm and held my face until she fell asleep.

Carrying a child inside of you for 8 months is a very special gift that God has given us women. It is a difficult task to bear but when you see that child (or children in my case) and can hold her or him in your arms, nothing is more easier than that. When you look at your child or think about her or him, all you want to do is love them and provide the best life that you possibly can. S/he is your heart outside of your body.

This morning, as my daughter held me close to her, I felt as if she knew something big was about to happen and she wanted to be there for me, with me. Maybe. Maybe not. But she comforted me and gave me what I needed without me even knowing it. Maybe without even knowing it herself.

Isn't it wonderful how God knows what you need at every given moment? He loves you and cares for you for you are "His heart out of His body".

Well, we're here. See you in a few days my friends.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The 11th Hour

It's 11 at night and I'm wide awake.

Surgery is in 8 hours.

Just call me Western Union coz I'm feeling wired!

haha Okay going crazy.

Good night.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

why?

My name is Emily Faith and I am from Ontario, Canada. I am not a writer nor am I a blogger, although I have tried to be many times.

I guess the reason for this blog is because I have always wanted to share my testimony with people because I feel that that is what God wants me to do. But I am a terrible speaker. When I get up in front of a group of people I instantly get hot flashes, dry mouthed and teary-eyed. So, I just don't put myself in that position. Fraidy Cat, I know.

In adjacent to that, I am going for open heart surgery tomorrow morning and I want to record the experience. I am 31 years old, married with twin 15month old girls and I am nervous as heck. I'm not nervous that I won't make it out of the OR, God has carried me through many, many terrible things in the past. I am nervous for my children and husband and how they will be while I am out of commission. I think about, "will they still love me or want me when I'm back to normal? will they think I've abandoned them?" I know. I know. But you be a mother of little ones and tell me those thoughts wouldn't cross your mind.

Anyhoo, so this is my blog. My thoughts. My experiences. My stories of being a sinful, fallible human who is saved by the Cross and how Jesus has saved me from myself.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]